NO means NO! As simple as it sounds, and it is only a two-letter word, the word “NO” is often very hard for us to say, complicated by reasons behind it.
“Just say ‘no’” is another one — we’ve all heard it said or felt we’ve solved someone’s dilemma by saying it to them.
We need to have the strength to say “NO” in the first place.
Saying “No” is something we might have been taught is important, but we might not have been empowered to actually put it into practice.
As women, we receive conflicting messages all the time:
- Be assertive, but no one likes a strong woman.
- Claim your space, but don’t be pushy.
- Ask for what you want, but don’t be a nag.
- Know your worth, but don’t be so greedy.
- Demand respect, but don’t be so feisty.
- Say “no,” but don’t be a ‘wet-mop’ or a ‘debbie-downer’.
We understand the concept of saying “no,” but our “play nice and be pleasant” tapes (or CDs) from childhood are too strong — it overrides all others.
Sharing a little about my intent behind the Learning the Art of Saying “NO” 2 x 1 hour or 1 x 2 hour session, I’m offering right now, as a limited offer to women for just $180 (valued at $360).
My WHY behind this is.
I remember early on, I could see I was an ‘amateur mum’, there was no program or classes to take that would get me a ‘degree in mum-hood’. I learnt the ropes and did the best I could even before the babies were born. Like how we give birth, there’s no ‘Academy Award’ going to be handed out for how we do ‘mum-hood’ . Just keep learning, keep screwing up, keep hugging, guiding, loving, laughing, making magic happen, fix, kiss better, give, nourish, nurture. Keep doing our best.
I see it as, a new mum learns how to be a mum from how she was brought up by her own mum, or from other mums or her caregivers. Those people, in turn, learnt from their mums etc etc. See how quickly that daisy chain of learnings stems way back to doing things the 1800s way!
Did you ever get a lesson on how to say “NO”?
I don’t recall having a good conversation about it with my own 3 daughters, nor me with my mum. I did get one very good lesson, of course, to ‘say no to sex or drugs or getting into cars we don’t know…’.
Did you ever get led through a process to understand your beliefs about saying NO, or get prepared to say NO for an impending ‘sticky situation’?
The session I am offering is for women of any age.
We are all role-models to younger women as I see it or as I often quote ‘the kids are watching!’
You are therefore welcome to book in for 2-people to attend at the same time via Zoom, if you’d like to be sharing the learnings together with your partner or another woman or girl. Price is per person whichever way you choose.
You will:
(a) Learn the Art of Saying “NO”, check-in with what’s important to you – know your priorities in life. Then it’s much easier to say ‘NO” because you’re clear on what you want and need instead; and
(b) If you come to the session with the intent to take away the key points, ie. ‘learn with the intent of teaching’ other women, daughters, nieces. Then go share it with as many girls and women as you can. That’s a pretty wonderful act of service of yours, for your 2-hours of learning.
My hope is that together we might start the conversation that girls and women are empowered to say NO.
To learn about the YES trap, understand their beliefs about why they can’t say NO, learn how to say NO.
To support each other to be prepared to say NO, even before a situation occurs. Accept someone else’s choice to say NO. Talk about our experiences. Even become comfortable to say NO to each other, if that wasn’t comfortable before… and go from there…
There’s no time like the present to open better communication channels, create communication rules or etiquette, and break down barriers instilled by generations gone by. Let’s step out of the past centuries where conflict was to be avoided at all cost. No more ‘just be a good girl… play nice’!
This is my take on social media’s many memes and posts about setting boundaries.
Intuitively, I get more of a feeling that the ‘random everyones’ on social media throwing around terms like ‘setting boundaries’, because they’re great ‘like or follow magnets’, is creating issues with real communication. Don’t get me wrong, I 100% agree that setting boundaries to protect and honour yourself and those you love is very necessary, for all sorts of reasons.
I worry though that social media’s 3-second flashes of an ‘open learning classroom… with no teacher or classmates to discuss and practice the lessons’ is not the best thing since sliced bread!
There’s no teachings, practicing, questioning or preparing for scenarios being shared from what I’ve seen, unless telling someone what to do in a meme is a lesson? This sort of work with the confidential, non-judgmental support of a coach and being able to ask questions does work.
Book in now or if you have any questions, are thinking about having more than 1 of you attend, please use the Contact Form below and I’ll get back to you in a jiffy!