“Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
– Denis Waitley
There are 3 Types of Successes People Rarely Stop to Recognise, including Failure!
Ben Renshaw in his book, The Secrets of Happiness says that:
“On average by the age of eighteen (18) we will have been praised and encouraged 30,000 times, and most of this … by the time we are three.
By contrast we will have been criticised and discouraged over 250,000 times.”
It’s no wonder we’re so focused on what goes wrong!
On top of that, for most of us growing up, our parents and teachers focused on our low grades, our mistakes and our failures, so that we can ‘improve’.
Then, when we make it into the workforce, performance reviews with our bosses are not meant to, but in the majority, DO focus on where we’re not good enough, what we haven’t finished and where we need to do better.
Our society measures our worth and success based on our accomplishments (what we have finished!) and sees mistakes as failures to be avoided. In addition, big successes are celebrated, but smaller more personal successes often get brushed aside as we move onto the next, bigger and better thing…
As a coach I help my clients undo this trend by taking the time to celebrate their success with them.
As part of the coaching process it’s integral that I help my clients redefine and reconsider what’s WORTH celebrating! To expand on the ‘traditional’ successes, like getting a pay-rise or running a marathon, to include ANYTHING they are proud of.
If something FEELS like an achievement, it should be included. Not only that, but when we overcome a challenge in our lives, this should also be celebrated.
Here are 3 Types of Success People Rarely Stop to Recognise:
No. 1: Concrete steps taken towards larger goals.
We’re often so focused on the end-goal, we don’t recognise the essential smaller achievements we’re making on the way there.
Ask Yourself: "What smaller steps have I taken that have moved me closer to my goals?"
“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.”
Robert Louis Stevenson
No. 2: Successes of PERSONAL value, but not necessarily recognised by others.
These are things that the wider society might not applaud us for, but are nevertheless important to us. The unique achievements of ANY size that are significant to us.
Ask Yourself: "What am I proud of, however irrelevant it may seem or how small it may seem to others? Then ask, "What does this mean to ME?" and "What core values did I meet?"
EXAMPLES: Dealing with a relationship break-up. Standing up to a friend or boss who has been bullying us. Learning a new skill: what is something you’ve doubted you could achieve, something like baking scones? It’s a small step to give it a try, and you’ll very likely prove your inner critic wrong.
“Don’t worry about doing great things… just do little things with great heart”
Mother Teresa
No. 3: Our failures AND mistakes
Overcoming failures and mistakes MUST be celebrated. If we have failed, it is because we risked. It is only by risking that we make changes in our lives. Plus, when we reject our mistakes and failures we also reject a part of ourselves.
Ask Yourself: "What mistakes have I learned and grown from?" "What did I learn?" and, "What am I proud of?"
EXAMPLE: I launched “GURU in the Mirror”, as my life coaching brand. I realised afterwards that I understood what GURU (gee you are you) meant, to me, (that you are the one and only you on this planet, the only person with the purpose you have, the body, the thoughts, the likes and dislikes, confidence or not etc). That took a lot of explaining to prospective cold audiences on social media! I revisited my brand, and realised I’d shied away from being me, my own name, because it scared me to be so vulnerable. I took back my power, followed my intuition, and am proud of myself that I had the courage, determination and self-belief to relaunch!
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Fun Fact: On your coaching journey with me, we would set aside parts of some sessions to help you celebrate your success and to honour yourself. We’re not only celebrating, but together we will be reframing success and failure, and building your self-esteem too!
