The Treasure Trove of Leadership: Gems from TED*® and 3VQ®

Last week I mined the transcript of the first podcast conversation with Sheri Lawrence, peer TED*® facilitator. I found five gems of wisdom and enjoyed matching them up with the principles of TED*® and the 3 Vital Questions® (3VQ). This is work that has supported transformative changes for both of us and many others across the world.

As an equal champion of TED*®, I have witnessed firsthand the significant positive impact these principles can have on our lives and in leadership and team dynamics. The phrase “treasure trove” perfectly encapsulates the wealth of insights we can uncover in this week’s blog.

A “treasure trove” refers to a collection of valuable items or hidden gems. Metaphorically, it represents a rich source of valuable information, insights, or ideas, making it a fitting phrase for the valuable lessons we can glean from TED*® and 3VQ® insights that empower leaders and their teams.

The Vulnerabilities Leaders Face

Leaders and their teams often grapple with vulnerabilities in their roles. As a leader, have you ever felt the weight of expectations pressing down on you? Feelings of isolation, fear of failure, and worries about meeting expectations can keep us trapped in the dreaded drama triangle (DDT®), leading to recurring problems and conflicts.

At the heart of these vulnerabilities lie common concerns: fear of inadequacy, fear of being judged, and fear of losing control.

“Fear of failure is something I recall grappling with constantly as I was building my first business,” I reflect. “I’ve since come to see what lies beneath that fear. It’s about being okay with exploring what’s going on beneath the surface, to understand what triggers all kinds of fears, not just the fear of failure.” – Susan Dunlop

During my journey, I had various coaches guiding me. It was only when I reconnected with the concept of the drama triangle in 2018, in a refreshing unique way that David Emerald created, that I realised I didn’t need to keep trying to ‘step up’ as coaching often felt like. Instead, I learned to step aside into a quieter space, reflect, observe, and feel how the DDT® roles played out in my life.

What’s unique about this work?

If you appreciate guidance and support, you will find a framework, tools, graphics, and content that is suitable to all kinds of learning, guiding principles and practical elements. You get lifetime access to take yourself back through the content. It makes it sustainable. It’s not just about ‘willpower’ to break the cycle of drama. The healthy antidote to the DDT® is The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*® triangle) of empowered roles. It all takes practice. How empowering would it be to you, to know that you get to choose to make the shift from the DDT® and TED*®? We each get to practice, model and learn to embody this new way of being on a conscious level.

Just this past week, I facilitated a discussion within the Center for The Empowerment Dynamic community focused on the question: What triggers you?—a theme within the TED*® program. Here’s a powerful lesson that may resonate with you right now:

“Reactive triggers steer us away from healthy and productive outcomes. The triggers that are the most important to identify are those that produce an ineffective reaction and lead us into the DDT. Without understanding the conditions that provoke our triggers, we can become victims to them. By understanding our triggers, we can anticipate them and take personal responsibility for choosing a more empowered response.” – D Emerald and D Zajonc, co-founders of the Center for The Empowerment Dynamic

Asking myself, “What’s causing me to go into reactivity?” has become a vital and compassionate practice. I pause and observe myself far more than I ever did in the past.

Because what’s the alternative? To continue spinning in reactivity and heavy emotions? Such emotions can culminate in outcomes that no one desires—stress, burnout, and a lack of genuine connection within the team.

The Consequences of Living in the DDT®

Living within the DDT® can create a toxic work environment and impact us outside of work, across the important areas of our life.

Sheri’s and my discussion about the benefits of fully integrating TED*® (*The Empowerment Dynamic) into our workplace and bringing it into our lives, reminded me of one client, who contacted me to engage in the 3VQ®: Applying the Power of TED*® to Work and Life program:

“I’ve read David’s Power of TED* and the 3 Vital Questions books and can see now that the dreaded drama triangle had consumed me and my team. There was a communication breakdown, and everyone was defensive. There was an increase in people using personal leave regularly. We lost time and customer focus, and I increased my workload, with long days. It felt like we were stuck in a loop of recurring issues with no way out; some people found their way out—by taking those days off—so it was very unhealthy, and the cost of drama was real. I would wake and get caught in worries. I see that it was bad for everyone. What I did was crack down on the symptoms, not the cause! I rescued and persecuted, and I saw people look at me differently. I felt like such a victim! I feel so bad now when I reflect on it… what was I thinking?”

In such environments, leaders may withdraw and fall silent, be ‘busy’, pulling away in fear—the victim. They may adopt the rescuer role – rescuing themselves, the company, and others, but at what cost? Some may adopt authoritarian behaviours, micromanaging their teams and focusing on symptoms rather than the underlying causes—the persecutor. This leaves employees feeling undervalued and disengaged.

When the workplace is dominated by drama, communication breaks down, collaboration suffers, and innovation is stifled. The overall impact is a cycle of negativity that undermines both individual and organisational growth.

“We are all human beings. If we can recognise that our past behaviours can serve as a lesson and then bravely explore a new way of being, and what we can do differently, with curiosity and vulnerability, the magic of change is already beginning.” – Susan Dunlop

The Path to Empowerment

Now here is another sparkling treasure full of possibility: leaders and their teams can initiate meaningful change by recognising these patterns and understanding the dynamics at play. They can move toward a more empowering and collaborative dynamic, breaking free from the constraints of the drama triangle. It just takes conscious practice!

As a licensed facilitator and passionate advocate for TED*®, I have seen how these insights resonate deeply with my experiences and those Sheri shared.

“It’s incredible how a shift in perspective can change everything.” – Sheri Lawrence

I felt honoured to have recorded the conversations I had with Sheri on my podcast. I hadn’t realised that I was going to benefit from her stories and learnings—my original intention was that it would be for the benefit of my audience to introduce the Power of TED*® to them and the organisations within Australia. For my podcast I treat my clients as guests: I run due diligence, prepare, engage before during and after each session, edit the audio, and create a transcript and blog posts. Whilst that takes time, the messages felt deeply personal, prompting me to reflect on how they relate to my journey.

A surprising hidden treasure of engaging in this work

The live facilitated sessions in delivering this work consistently show how participants appreciate the opportunity to engage with their colleagues with kindness and compassion. They enjoy the opportunity to have vulnerable conversations, practice deep listening, and use the empowering language of coach, challenger, and creator instead of the dynamics of victim, persecutor, or rescuer.

During my trainer certification, I remember how co-founders David Emerald and Donna Zajonc weren’t just presenting a Zoom training but modelling how it’s done! They emphasised empathy, active listening, coaching questions, and the practice of pausing to respond rather than react. They generously shared their approach, saying, “You’ve got this. We are here as mentors, showing you how to do this with an open heart.”

Their emphasis on time management taught me to respect others’ time. This shaped how I structure my sessions—always starting and ending on time—because people’s time is precious, and we need to be respectful of those we serve. So many intricacies go into setting the stage in this work to allow people to walk into training and engage.

All of it is a genuine collaboration, and that too is one more treasure, part of the practice that transforms our lives and our work environments.

How Can We Implement These Changes Starting Today?

1. Lead by Example: If you haven’t already, I highly recommend you read or listen to The Power of TED* by David Emerald. Available on Amazon and Audible. This work has to start with you focusing on you first. Then arrange for everyone else to do the same, should they choose.
2. Foster Empathy: As a leader, you will come to understand your own perspective and challenges better. Then listen for and respect your team’s perspectives and challenges. This understanding can help you respond more effectively to their needs.
3. Encourage Collaboration: Move away from micromanagement (DDT) by empowering (TED*) your team to take ownership of their tasks. Allow them to make decisions and contribute to problem-solving in service of outcomes.

Transforming Leadership Together

By deeply exploring our own experiences and fears, we can begin to understand and spend less time in the dreaded drama triangle and replace it sooner with a more productive and positive approach. The collective wisdom of the founders of The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic, their books, weekly blog, along with insights from my journey and Sheri’s, light the way, providing practical steps and heartfelt advice to guide each of us along the path of this transformative journey.

Schedule a call with Susan to talk about other programs, package options, and group discounts, available.