The DDT™ Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer Roles

This week’s blog continues the five-part series on shifting from drama to empowerment. Today, I’m sharing more about the three Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™ roles.

I began this series of blogs in November because it is the start of the ‘silly season’ that many of us struggle to navigate. It’s a time of year when the Dreaded Drama Triangle™ roles of Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer show up when planning the extended family’s Christmas Day or preparing to sit around the Dining Table! I thought that sharing this topic might help readers make sense of some of the unhealthy dynamics that might play out in their families at this time of year.

Also, there is still time to take the opportunity to go through the 3 Vital Questions: Applying the Power of TED* to work and life program and prepare for something better this year.

If you haven’t read the earlier posts in this series, I have shared links to them at the bottom of this post.

The Drama Triangle is a model of the roles humans default to in times of stress. It was developed by Dr. Stephen Karpman in the 1960s (see image below).

The work I deliver has re-termed the triangle to be the Dreaded Drama Triangle™ (DDT), with the permission of Dr Karpman, by the Center for The Empowerment Dynamic’s founder, David Emerald. David liked the idea of it being DDT™ because of the toxic nature of these roles at play.

In 2018, I was introduced to the healthy, empowering antidote roles to the DDT™.

The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*)™ triangle is a model developed by David Emerald. David is the best-selling author of The Power of TED*. In 2021, I became Australia’s first certified TED* facilitator in David’s work. I deliver training programs to organisational leaders, teams and individual coaching clients across Australasia and the Asia-Pacific.

The DDT™ roles are closely related to our reactive state, and as a survivor of childhood trauma, that’s where I first connected the dots.

You’ll likely have heard of the fight, flight, freeze and appease (or fawn) reaction? The DDT™ roles of Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer can be tied back to those reactions, that most often originated for us in childhood.

The DDT™ roles are not bad; they are just what they are. What’s not good about these roles is if we stay stuck in them as our way of communicating or operating daily. That’s an unhealthy and ultimately destructive place to come from regarding our relationship with ourselves, with those we love, and with whom we relate daily.

The DDT™ victim, persecutor and rescuer roles are described below in an easy-to-read format.

Once you read them, you’ll likely remember hearing, feeling or witnessing them in action, possibly by you and others. We can even play one or all three of these roles by ourselves and do so in seconds. One of the roles will be our go-to default over the others.

When I first learned of them, I was intrigued because they made complete sense, and it made me curious to understand more.

The good news is that there is a way to begin the shift towards a better way of showing up each day for each of these roles. I have included tips to begin the shift in the spirit of sharing realistic hope, which I like to do nowadays.

What I’m sharing below will be enough for now in this week’s blog. You might reflect and observe your and others’ behaviours between reading this post and next week’s upcoming one.

Victim Role

When in the Victim* role, one believes they are at the mercy of life events; it is easier to blame circumstances on others. The result is a denial of personal power and creativity. The Victim avoids responsibility for their actions, feeling powerless. They focus on problems, waiting for something or someone to fix the situation (i.e. the Rescuer).

Sounds like:

‘Why does this always happen to me?’ ‘It’s not my fault.’ ‘I don’t have a choice.’ ‘Poor me.’

Feels like:

• Helpless and hopeless
• Discounted, at the same time may feel entitled to be taken care of

Behaviour:

• Reacts to problems and gives up easily
• May stay on the sidelines, disengaged and/or complaining
• Little energy for forward action, at the same time may be demanding of others

*Note: In this work, the word Victim is used to refer to the key role in the Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT)™. However, it does not refer to a Victim of abuse, natural disaster, etc.; it refers to the mindset of Victimhood one can adopt and live by.

Persecutor Role

Persecutors fear being powerless (being a Victim). They use blame and defensiveness to control others or the situation and win at all costs. They have little compassion for others, ambiguity, or uncertainty. (Important note: a Persecutor can also be a non-person, such as a health condition or a problem situation (eg. disaster).

Sounds like:

‘You’re doing it wrong.’ ‘It won’t work.’ ‘I know what’s right and we should do it my way.’

Feels:

• Fearful of uncertainty (which justifies need to control)
• Discounted (which breeds anger and lashing out)
• Defensive (feels pressure to be right or perform)

Behaviour:

• Different forms of control and domination
• Exerts power over others either overtly or covertly

Rescuer Role

In the Rescuer role, we want to be valued for helping others. By focusing on the pain of others, Rescuers avoid their own feelings and do not realise that their pleasing and accommodating strategies keep others disempowered by doing for them what they could do for themselves. The Rescuer wants to be loved for being the ‘hero’.

Sounds like:

‘Let me do or pay for this for you.’ ‘I will take care of it. It’s no bother.‘ ‘Don’t worry about me, I don’t need any help.’ ‘How can I be of help?’

Feels:

• Feels victimised when not appreciated for their rescuing ways
• Fearful of conflict and people being unhappy

Behaviour:

• Caretaking and continuously focused on what others want
• May have a zillion ideas about how to fix things or be helpful
• Loves to be the heroic problem-solver

Which of the three DDT roles stands out more than the other two?

An exercise you can do is to identify a current drama that is playing out at work or in your life. Acknowledge it by writing it out. In your own words, describe the drama in your journal or one sheet of paper. Next, identify the personal costs to you both at work or at home. Finally, can you identify where the DDT™ Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer roles are being played out in this drama story, draw a circle around them if they’re obvious?

Important tip:

Do not call any person a victim, persecutor, or rescuer once you see these roles being played out by someone you know or love.  Why? It will back-fire on you! It hurts to be called a name, doesn’t it? These are the DDT™ roles we play, we are not a Rescuer, or a Persecutor or a Victim.

Conclusion

The good news is that what we are, at our core and in our hearts, Creators and the three healthy roles that make up the Creator mindset. We need to reconnect with those roles and practice them consciously. That’s what I teach! They’re not our default like the DDT™ roles are. Our default roles have been with us for a very long while – so they’re our easy go-to in times of stress.

Change will take practice, and it’s worth it because shifting from drama to empowerment will change your life. It changed mine.

If you’d like to learn more about the TED* programs or resources available, I facilitate a range of guided conversations, webinars and workshops, either via Zoom, or in person. Please message me via the Contact Form – follow this link.

Take Care,

Susan

As I mentioned above, I am a certified TED*™ (*The Empowerment Dynamic)™ facilitator, and share this content here under licence, with permission of The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic © 2021. All rights are reserved.