Our Childhood Responses to Fear and the DDT Roles™

Understanding these responses has been a pivotal step in my personal journey to breaking intergenerational cycles of drama and moving towards empowered ways of engaging with life’s challenges.

This is part two of a five-part series sharing an interesting, relatable topic of work that led me to become a certified facilitator delivering training to organisations and individuals.

Fear is a fundamental part of the human experience, shaping our responses and behaviours from a young age.

One of the reasons I found this meaningful work—or did it find me—is that I had experienced a lifetime of overactive fight, flight, and freeze reactivity. Reactivity had stayed with me, humming away underneath all of the good and the hard times of my earlier adult life and as an entrepreneur founding and growing a company to the national level. I always felt like I was at the end of my tether, fearful, at risk of failing, being not good enough, adrenaline-fuelled, and that fulfilment was a mile away for me to attain if I ever could.

That was going on beneath the surface. However, I didn’t let people see behind the societal mask I wore of an award-winning professional businesswoman. I created a successful company and was proud of its commitment to providing quality nursing care. It was strategically set up for acquisition by a national competitor, who purchased it 16 years after it was founded. In 2016, I took a gap year to travel the world. Next, I restarted with certifications in the work that I found meaningful and helpful to my clients and took time to heal from my childhood experiences.

Work I came across in 2018, TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic), the antidote to the Dreaded Drama Triangle, arrived at the right time for me. It was a framework I could hold onto, to steady me, and find the courage to keep focusing on what was important to me and moving towards that. It helped me before I could help others. I get it. It works!

The Dreaded Drama Triangle™ sheds light on the roles individuals assume in challenging situations. At its core are three primary roles: the Victim, reacting to the perceived Persecutor, and seeking salvation from the Rescuer. These roles often become ingrained as default ways of thinking and relating, influencing our actions and interactions in adulthood.

The Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT™) is a framework developed by David Emerald, co-founder of the Center for The Empowerment Dynamic. It is a more in-depth framework than its origin, Dr Stephen Karpman’s Drama Triangle (image below).

My training touches lightly on Dr Karen Horney’s classifications of childhood responses to fear, allowing participants to reflect and accept how amazing and resilient we were as children.

Karen Horney’s research provides valuable insights into how children adapt to perceived dangers, shaping their interactions and strategies for self-protection.

Dr Horney classified a child’s responses to fear, further elucidating these drama roles we play:

1. Moving toward people to please, accommodate, and be helpful. From a child’s perspective, if I please others, they will love and care for me. This is the strategy of a Rescuer.
2. Moving away from others to avoid, withdraw, observe, and wait is based on the child’s belief that if they isolate and “stay above the fray,” they will be safe. This feeds the victim’s perspective.
3. Aggressively moving against others. Here, the child develops the idea that they will manage their environment to get what they want if they use control and domination. This is the defensive strategy of a Persecutor.

Understanding these childhood responses illuminates our default patterns of relating and interacting. All three are strategies of protection from the dangers of life. We all play all three roles.

It offers a lens through which we can examine our own reactions to stress or danger. Recognising that these roles stem from childhood survival strategies helps us consciously navigate our responses in adulthood.

Awareness of this helps us be more self-loving, empathetic, and compassionate about how we get about in life. We also understand how others we live or work with may be operating. It highlights how these reactive roles impact adult behaviour and offers insights into making conscious behavioural shifts.

I found that exploring these childhood strategies helped me to recognise and shift my own default patterns of behaviour.

I guide the people I work with to become present, practice vulnerability and compassion, be in the moment, learn a new language of empowerment. They get to take that into their most important relationships. They find themselves having more grace, clarity and ease from that place. The choices they see available to them are considered, no longer reactive, and lead them into action. However, they will now be taking actions that are worth taking and will be inspired by what they want in life.

I’ll close out this blog with three journal prompts that may assist you in reflecting on your experiences. They’re examples of exercises we cover in the 3 Vital Questions™ bringing the Power of TED*™ to Life and Work facilitated program I deliver.

1. Reflect on Childhood Responses: Explore moments from your childhood when you might have exhibited behaviours similar to those described by Karen Horney—seeking approval, withdrawing, or being aggressive or a mix of the three. How do these behaviours resonate with your early experiences? How might they have influenced your reactions to stress or danger in your adult life?
2. Identify Present Patterns: Take a moment to observe your reactions to challenging situations. Do you notice any parallels between your childhood responses and your present behaviours? How do these reactions manifest in your relationships or interactions? Are there any patterns you recognise that might be linked to past experiences?
3. Exploring Healing and Growth: Consider areas in your life where you feel empowered to make positive changes. How can understanding your childhood strategies for safety contribute to your healing journey? What steps can you take to consciously shift away from default patterns towards more empowering responses in your present circumstances?

I hope that these prompts will encourage introspection and self-awareness, allow you to connect your childhood experiences with your current behaviours, and pave the way for conscious healing and growth.

This is the second of five weekly posts in the series focused on the two mindsets of Victim and Creator. Next week’s post will be an easy-to-follow post describing the Dreaded Drama Triangle™ Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer Roles. It includes what they sound like, how they feel, and the related behaviours. Plus, there are a few points that will help you to begin the shift.

Please reach out if you want to explore the DDT™ and TED*™ more. There are a variety of options to bring these frameworks into your life and help you make the shift from DDT™ to TED*™.

Take care,

Susan

*I share this information here as a certified Facilitator in TED*™ (*The Empowerment Dynamic) and the 3 Vital Questions™. Both are frameworks developed by David Emerald of The Center for The Empowerment Dynamic. I highly recommend reading David’s foundational book, The Power of TED*, available on Amazon and Audible.