We’ve all seen it: family dynamics feeling like invisible tripwires waiting to be triggered, or a workplace spiralling into the “Drama Triangle.”
Someone feels stuck in the victim role. And let’s be honest, in today’s society it’s hard not to slip into that role at times. When in the victim role we feel powerless, waiting for the other shoe to drop, having little energy for forward action.
The victim role can feel a lonely place, but we know that every drama has its cast. Alongside the victim role comes someone (or something) playing the persecutor: defensive, controlling, “do it my way”, a serious lifestyle related health condition. Then the rescuer, the role so many of us recognise, avoiding conflict, trying to keep people happy, smoothing things over. Before long, everyone’s frustrated, walking on eggshells, reacting without the skills to respond.
It’s exhausting to be in and exhausting to watch.
One of the simplest ways to shift is to move from being problem-reactive to being outcomes-focused. That means paying attention to what we do want, not what we don’t.
The news and “unsocial” social media feed us drama and bad news stories. It’s no wonder people feel overwhelmingly stuck in the victim role or scramble into the rescuer role just to cope. These ways of being are normal in times of stress… but they’re not meant to be how we live every single day.
Here’s the simple framework we share with clients in our workshops and programs
1. What’s the outcome we want?
Not what we think we should want, but what we truly desire. And it can’t just be to “fix a problem.”
2. What’s our current reality?
The raw, honest truth, and nothing less. When life feels messy, it’s tempting to make it emotional or existential. Often, though, the reality is logistical — how we’re spending our four resources: time, energy, attention, and money. They shape our reality. I love the word “reality” — I’ve seen so many of us be “wishful thinkers.” But when we are truly present to reality, possibility thinking and “realistic hope” rise up, and we start to see things more clearly.
“Dynamic Tension became my anchor – asking ‘how will I know I’ve got what I want, what I said was important?’ clarified my path forward.” — Workshop Participant
3. What small step can I take next?
Not a group action, not another list — just one clear step that’s 100% mine to do, and doable in one go.
This framework has helped leaders reset meetings, families untangle tension, and people find clarity in everyday choices. It shifts the energy from blame and overwhelm into movement and possibility.
This is at the heart of the work I share with my clients. It’s simple to understand, it just takes practice.
We are in a new season. If you’ve been too busy or caught up with worries to notice that shift into Spring here in Australia (or Fall elsewhere); if you’re feeling that everything is a little too much — press pause.
Book a Zoom call with me using the link below.
I’m happy to spend 60 minutes with you. If it feels helpful, we can even work through Steps 1 to 3 together.
It might be just what you need to reconnect with yourself, notice what’s really important, and find a fresh perspective.