Shifting

As you are shifting, you will begin to realise 
that you are not the same person you 
used to be.

The things you used 
to tolerate have become intolerable.

When you once remained quiet, 
you are now speaking your truth.

Where you once battled and argued, 
you are now choosing to remain silent.

You are beginning to understand 
the value of your voice and there are 
some situations that no longer deserve 
your time, energy and focus.

Unknown author, themindsjournal.com

I read that poem and thought to myself how ‘shifting’ is a word that fits the wise woman transitions:

• The women transitioning (or shifting) through midlife.
• It could also be a woman transitioning from her 30s to her 40s, 20s to 30s, both equally powerful times of life transition too. I haven’t got as far as 50s to 60s yet however I feel the power of that is there ahead of me.

I recall once my 40th birthday celebrations were complete, feeling like I fully owned my life.

I was running my own company, after having moved our young family from Sydney to Noosa. I was in my own home at the top of Noosa Hill. I was feeling on top of the world! I recall the feeling of complete clarity at that turning the corner from my 30s to my 40s.

I had had my first daughter when I was 24, so by 40 I had experienced 3 pregnancies, births, all those early milestone years of raising my daughters. My daughters were 15, 12 and 9. All the years of doing what was necessary to help each grow to be a uniquely beautiful, creative, adventurous, smart girls and now early teens.

There were earlier shifts in what was important, like going from having one daughter to bringing home our 2nd daughter. I remember comfortably shifting to discard what wasn’t important anymore, like making sure the house was clean every day. I vividly recall the moment, standing in my kitchen, after I’d had my 2nd daughter that I made that shift. I asked myself ‘what’s really important, really?’ I knew the answer wasn’t getting the house in order!

Even earlier than that, whilst pregnant with her I had wondered, as many of us do, ‘how am I going to manage being a mother of 2 children, not just one?’ and have some sort of normality of life routine.

I remember being home, once I’d left hospital. We were living in our first house still, which we’d sold to a developer months earlier. We were renting from him. The day I got home, he came to tell us he’d decided to increase the rent. I recall him saying it through the screen door to my husband, whilst I sat across from the front door nursing our 7-day old baby.

My thinking ‘normal’ was me going to be just getting on with a baby and a 3 year old, with my husband working a weekday job and doing side-jobs all weekend, yet we shifted into adding the process of finding and buying a new house, packing, and being ready to move out.

I remember the shifting day, I walked the 500 metre distance to our new home, pushing the baby in her pram, as the removalists arrived to pack the house, I aired out the new house ready for everything and everyone to arrive.

Unpacking all the boxes, renovating the retro 70s kitchen, painting the house, the floors polished, the house clad, my husband continuing to work 2 jobs, me working remotely from home, breastfeeding, getting our first daughter to pre-school and home, all the afternoon activities. Then the newness of another shift to being a young mum of 3 little girls by the time I was 31. Strange how we all just shift into gear and one, two or three little ones becomes just the way it is for us.

The shifts in life, or the seasons of change, are what they are, they just serve to make us stronger.

You build a muscle of resilience as a mum, the love, growth and safety of children at the forefront of all that mattered.

With littlies as the centre of everything that happened, I became happy with just doing only what I physically, mentally and energetically was capable of doing. It was an incredibly ‘present’ time in life. I was no super-mother or super-woman. I was just me. In the suburbs.

I had no car to get around in, Tom took that to work; so we walked everywhere, rain and shine. We had the Wiggles cassette playing all day, with my cute little Dorothy the Dinosaur romping through the house. I had worked in the city til then and hadn’t yet developed firm friendships in the suburbs. I was alone quite often with my two, then three, little ones. I was happy in my space.

Whereas before children, life is ‘free to do what you like, any old time’, as a mum it was about developing rituals and routines.

We did the morning things, then the mid-morning fun things, the lunchtime nap things, the afternoon play and creative things. The getting grumpy because it was dinner, bath then bedtime things. The getting everything ready for the next day things. The falling asleep to be woken numerous times a night things. But I got along, as we do.

At 40, in Noosa, I recall thinking I’ve experienced so much so far. I didn’t need to heed advice or listen to opinions as if they’re gospel. The years of hearing or seeking others opinions were just amusing reflections, helpful as they were, to look back on.

At 40, I felt I could do whatever I wanted, and be adult me. I hadn’t broken anyone or anything as far as I could tell. It was surely safe to continue with creating life with more and more magic moments, not just for the children, but for me, Tom, those I loved and those I served in business. It was time to enjoy life to the fullest!

The change at 40 is a huge shift. Yes it was still the beginning of another decade of raising daughters through their teens, with another set of skills to learn; their shifting and changing of interests, hobbies, sports and studies. The years of letting them, with gentle guidance, move through the teenage years to independence, as safely as possible.

Now, I’m in my 50s, and I feel these are the biggest shift years for me yet!

I do truly feel the years of midlife (45-55) is like being at the beach – I’m one to visualise alot! You know when you’re in the surf, in waist-high water, in that spot where the waves sometimes recede and smash like backward waves into the oncoming waves, where waves also come from the left and the right. You’re wondering ‘is this a rip’ yet, you’re present and in awe of all that’s going on, keeping your feet solidly on the ground, far more aware than ever before.

The big shifts that come to mind for me, and from having coached many women in this age bracket, is yes you do find your voice, you do choose your battles more wisely, you will speak your truth. You no longer have interest to tolerate poor behaviours of adults nor children. You do begin to understand the value of your voice and there are some situations that no longer deserve your time, energy and focus.

Amen to that!

The women I work with in coaching are all quite simply a unique being going through unique versions of what I described above. We can’t generalise this stuff, it is all of us doing it the best we can, with the resources we have available to us.

If I can support you in your traversing the decades of life, and all the transitions you are choosing, or having put on your plate, not by choice, please reach out and let’s talk about what’s happening for you.

My Making Shifts Happen coaching package for women might just well be what you’re needing right now.

Thank you and take care,

Susan